DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & ABUSE - KNOW THE SIGNS BEFORE YOU ARE A VICTIM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Domestic Violence can strike for anybody, it doesn't matter what your gender is as everybody is at risk and at times it creeps up on us before we realize what has happened. Whether you are a Man or Woman abuse is abuse and it is not acceptable. You need to SPEAK UP AS SILENCE ENABLES ABUSE  - SPEAKING OUT DISABLES IT - If you tell people about your abuser and the abuser you are actually SAFER as unknown to you others will watch out for you and your safety.

 

                           PARENTAL ALIENATION IS EMOTIONAL / MENTAL ABUSE                                            SEE OUR PARENTAL ALIENATION PAGE ON OUR SITE FOR MORE DETAIL

 

Signs of Abuse

If you’re afraid of your partner, that’s a big red flag. You may be scared to say what you think, to bring up certain topics, or to say no to sex. No matter the reason, fear has no place in a healthy relationship. If you feel like you’re being abused, there’s a good chance you may be, and it’s worth getting help. Keep that in mind as you think about these signs:

 

Your partner bullies threaten, or controls you:

• Accuses you of having an affair

• Blames you for abuse

• Criticizes you

• Tells you what to wear and how you should look

• Threatens to kill you or someone close to you

• Throws things or punches walls when angry

• Yells at you and makes you feel small

Your partner controls your money

 

YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE THE FOLLOWING SIGNS:

• Keeps cash and credit cards from you

• Puts you on an allowance and makes you explain every dollar, pound, euro you spend

• Keeps you from working whatever job you want

• Steals money from you or your friends

• Won’t let you have money for basic needs like food and clothes

Your partner cuts you off from family and friends:

• Keeps close tabs on where you go and whom you go with

• Makes you ask for an OK to see friends and family

• Embarrasses you in front of others, and it makes you want to avoid people

Your partner physically abuses you:

• Abandons you in a place you don’t know

• Attacks you with weapons

• Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care

• Locks you in or out of your house

• Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair

Your partner sexually abuses you:

• Forces you to have sex

• Makes you dress in a sexual way

• Makes you feel like you owe them sex

• Tries to give you an STD

• Won’t use condoms or other birth control

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signs Someone You Know Is Being Abused

Keep an eye out for things like:

• Excuses for injuries

• Personality changes, like low self-esteem in someone who was always confident

• Constantly checking in with their partner

• Never having money on hand

• Overly worried about pleasing their partner

• Skipping out on work, school, or social outings for no clear reason

• Wearing clothes that don’t fit the season, like long sleeves in summer to cover bruises

 

Are the Signs Different for Men?

They’re often the same. And that’s true whether the abusive partner is a woman or another man. It may be emotional or verbal, like taking away keys, medicines, or other essentials. Or things like constantly putting you down in public or on social media. And, it can be physical. To make up for differences in strength, abusive partners may try to attack you in your sleep, by surprise, or with weapons and other objects. They may also abuse your children or pets. Please see our separate page SPECIFICALLY FOR MALE VICTIMS OF ABUSE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are the Signs Different for the LGBTQ Community?

Again, there’s a lot in common, but the abuse may also target sexual orientation or gender identity. Your abuser may:

• Make excuses for abuse, like it’s just how men are or that you wanted it to happen

• Tell you that police or others won’t help because of your gender or orientation

• Tell you that you’re not really how you identify

• Threaten to out you to family, friends, and others

 

What to Do if You’re Being Abused

First, know that you deserve better and that this isn’t your fault. If you’re in an emergency, call 911. It can be hard to decide whether to stay or leave. That’s why it may help to start with a call if in the USA to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). If you are in CANADA please call  911 and ask to be put through to your local Police Department for immediate help. If in Europe call 911 or 999 depending on what country you are based in. If in the UK then please call your local police by dialing 999.

 

If possible try to call from a friend’s house or somewhere else where you feel safe. You can also turn to friends, family, neighbors, your doctor, or your spiritual community. Also, make sure you have an emergency escape plan:

 

• Hide a set of car keys.

• Pack a bag with keys, extra clothes, important papers, money, and medicines. You might keep it at a friend’s house.

• Have a plan for calling the police in an emergency. You might have a code word so your kids, family, friends, or co-workers know you’re in danger.

• Know where you’ll go and how you’ll get there.

 

What to Do if You Think Someone Is Being Abused

Say something. You might have your doubts. But if you’re thinking about it, there’s usually a reason. Someone’s life could be in danger. When you talk to the person, you can:

 

• Ask if anything is wrong

• Talk specifically about what concerns you

• Listen carefully

• Let the person know you’re always there to talk and that your conversations are always private

• Offer to help

• Support the person’s choices

• Make sure to keep a set of your important documents like birth cert, passport, etc for you and your children so that when you leave you can set up a new bank account, rental, etc without the abuser's knowledge.

• Help them to get to safety by keeping spare clothes there for them, lots of light layers as easier to carry and also to stay warm.

• Make sure that you help the victim to have an untraceable mobile phone just a prepaid one so that they have a way to contact you and authorities BUT can't be traced by the abuser. 

• Help them to either save some money OR if that isn't safe to do then to have a shelter or Law Enforcement willing to help and aware of when the escape will happen. This is the most dangerous time for any victim

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEVER FORGET THE CHILDREN -- Very simply if you have children in your home and they hear and or see ANY VIOLENCE OR ABUSE then you are forcing them to live a life of child abuse. It's very easy to think that because they re not victims of the violence or sexual assault that they re okay. Well, they are NOT OKAY they are suffering in silence, from EMOTIONAL & MENTAL ABUSE due to the fact that there is ongoing violence and abuse in the house between either their parents or with one parent and their partner. If you won't think of yourself then please think of your children as this form of abuse can't be seen until the damage is done and the brain will, in fact, have changed over the years so now it will show as per the medical experts a brain that is damaged. Do you want to force a lifetime of emotional, mental abuse on your child, if not then GET OUT NOW?